‘Dying: A Memoir’ by Cory Taylor

Cory Taylor’s memoir begins, ‘About two years ago I bought a euthanasia drug online from China’. Written in the months before her death – she died just weeks after publication – the book uses her illegal stash of Nembutal as the starting point to explore Taylor’s relationship with death, having lived with cancer for a decade. In the first section of the book, ‘Cold Feet’, she describes the sense of control that having the Nembutal has given back to her and the suicide note she’s pre-written to go with it, but worries how actually taking the drug would affect her family, emotionally and legally. She describes her membership to? both Dignitas and her local Exit International group in Brisbane, and reproduces her answers given to a death-themed edition of the ABC television programme ‘You Can’t Ask That’. The middle section of the book, ‘Dust and Ashes’, focuses on her childhood and her peripatetic and often dysfunctional family life, including the slow deaths in older age of her (separated) parents from dementia. This leads into the third section, ‘Endings and Beginnings’, which considers aspects of her past in light of her current dying self. Taylor contrasts positive embodied childhood experiences, like getting a new school dress, with the disintegration of her parents’ relationship and her own near-death experience when nearly hit while getting out of a car. The book ends with Taylor affirming the autonomy she feels knowing she has the Nembutal and envisaging the death she might have if she uses it.

The book gives a clear-eyed, literary account of the complex feelings associated with dying from cancer, including loss of control and increased retrospection. It covers issues such as the taboo around talking about death, Taylor’s ambivalent attitude towards religion and her relationship with medical professionals, as well as her thinking informed by reading widely in literature and philosophy on the subject. Much of the book reflects on the specificities of Taylor’s memories of family life, often comparing the messiness of her family in the past with the calm loving environment she now shares with her husband Shin and their children. Yet, although it was beginning to be debated in certain states, Taylor was writing at a time when assisted dying was illegal in Australia and this theme bookends her memoir. Her confession about ordering Nembutal is quietly confrontational and accompanied by a detailed argument for legalisation based on ideals of openness and autonomy. Accordingly, media coverage of the book emphasised Taylor’s pro-assisted dying stance and her possession of illegal drugs. In reviews, ‘Dying’ was widely praised for its beautiful pared-down language and brave recording of Taylor’s feelings and memories despite cancer limiting her capacity to write. The book was shortlisted for the Stella Prize in 2017 and has been published in other Anglophone countries and in at least six other languages.